Antifa You and Uncle Fa Me

So I am a little bunged up today, well, I’m kinda like in pain and getting stiff. But I can use my right hand, so I can write this and type it in the computer later when the swelling in my eyes goes down and I can sit upright without all this hip pain. That’s the way I always do it, anyway, because the correct use of words is kinda important, don’t you think, and doing it that way gives me a chance to double-check to make sure everything is just right.

And that’s what I was telling my friend today I met at the free speech rally downtown. Hey, he’s an energetic young man and may have gotten a little excited, but it’s all good. He and his buddies were doing a little street theater and I guess he wanted it to be super realistic. Separated shoulders can heal but the important thing is we keep talking to each other. I said this while I was picking myself off the ground, very gingerly, or course, since my finger seemed to be broken. And I was saying how I always want to get things right, like I always double-check myself and it was important for me to understand why he was being a little aggressive. And he says sure ***hole, let’s get a beer someday and we’ll ****ing talk about it, and then he walks off without even giving me his phone number. Kids these days, they have such weird ways of endearing themselves to you. And I don’t even know what he looks like because he never took off his costume. I know these kids like their street theatre but man when you cover your face with a black hood it does kinda get in the way of a good dialog.

You see, I was at this rally kinda standing at the back, trying to hear what the speakers were saying. They were really big on the first amendment, well it was a free speech rally, right, and even though I didn’t agree with everything they wanted to say with their free speech rights, being a liberal and all I was whole-heartedly in agreement with them that those rights are just majorly important. Then my friend, who wasn’t actually my friend yet because I didn’t know him before he bumped into me, well, he bumped into me. Kinda hard, I mean like almost knocking me down hard.

Oh, excuse me I say, did you want to push through? Well yeah, he laughed real nasty like (If I ever see him again I need to help him with his presentation skills!) I want to “push through”, you ****ing elitist ****. Does your conservative ****-****ing self want to keep me from doing it? Well, that just seemed to be a little homophobic to me, so I told him that, and he gave me a shove that knocked me into a lamp post. I don’t need no ****ing Republican talking to me like that, he says. Well good, I say, because even though I do enjoy sex I am not a Republican, so you can rest easy on that score, but he just shoves on through saying get out of my way I have to stop this fascist propaganda bull****.

Well then it hit me, moment of revelation, like duh, he was here to protest a free speech rally! And it really had me going for a moment until I figured it out. Oh I get it, I yell out and grab his arm all excited, I see what you’re doing now. It’s kind of a reverse psychology, counter-intuitive street demonstration. I love it! What, he says, well, it was more like huh? And I tell him this is brilliant, man, dressing up like a Nazi thug to protest Fascism at a free speech rally, that is such a beautiful piece of anti-comedy. And I was about ready to applaud him when he says what did you call me, you piece of ****, did you call me a Nazi? Well no, I says, I meant that you dressed up like a thug and are using Nazi/Fascist tactics, kinda like the Brownshirts – but then he gets right in my face and he’s like really yelling at me and he’s saying what problem do you have with me, I’m not a Fascist, they are and he points to the stage and I say you mean those people up there talking and being polite to each other and he says yeah they’re the Fascists and I’m just here to “bust ‘em up”, like those guys that got off that little boat to go fight the Fascists and I said little boat? And he says, yeah, like in Okinawa, you know, during World War I, they were in this boat and they was [sic] all gonna go kick some Fascist *** but then I said oh, do you meant the invasion of Normandy in World War II and he said its some ***damn sounding Chinese name but they were gonna get off that boat and go kick butt and that’s what we are ****ing going to do, so then I said well that is really great because those guys that were landing at Normandy were about to walk off into a living hell they probably wouldn’t survive but they did it because they believed in America, they did it out of love for their country and I’m glad you are imitating them because it shows me you love America, too and then he gets really mad and he’s jumping up and down and screaming **** America, I hate this racist fascist piece of **** country and there I was just applauding like mad, saying brilliant, just brilliant, you play your part so well, I actually believe it, man … but that is as far as I got, because a lot of other people in black masks were all around me yelling and stuff, I guess getting ready for the next act, and about all I remember is falling to the ground and getting stomped on. I guess the crowding was getting pretty bad, there seemed to be a lot of them all in one place stepping on me. But after a while it thinned out a little and I was able to get up, and there my friend was, like I said, and I forgot to get his phone number! And he seemed so happy as he left, because he was really LOL.

So here I am healing up and thinking about all this. Those kids, I know they probably felt bad about walking all over me, although it did feel like some of them were kicking me just a little bit. But there’s one thing I keep going back to and it kinda bothers me about the whole business, because you see, even though their little street theater was such an amazing pièce de résistance, you know, it didn’t seem like my friend and his fellow actors, well and don’t get me wrong, because intelligence isn’t everything and I believe everyone has a right to exist and all that (after all, I am a liberal), but it was pretty obvious they were much too dumb to actually have thought of something that perfect.

I wonder who the director was.